“Shame is inexorably tied to the question that many of us will eventually ask ourselves, ‘Are we a human doing or a human being?’ In other words, is our value and appreciation for and about ourselves determined by what we do (and how it impacts others) or by just who we are? Self-worth determined by what we do is neither life-affirming, nor is it personally and emotionally sustaining. We can never do ‘good’ enough to free us from the shackles of low self-esteem, self-doubt and insecurity.
Self-esteem or feelings of self-love never result from actions, but instead just by who a person is or desires to become. Human doers live their lives chasing the proverbial carrot, which is not actually attainable. Because core shame in maintained from the inside, no amount of ‘carrots’ will ever relieve a person of it. It is simply impossible to reach a goal that is neither possible nor realistic.”
