At this point, you’ve painted the nursery, attended Lamaze classes, and even bought a car seat. So, what’s left to do before that bundle of joy arrives? More and more couples are attending pre-baby couples counseling in an effort to baby-proof their marriage before the big day. Mom-to-be Megan Pringle, who is expecting twins, takes a look at this growing trend.
Sometimes, it’s hard for Mary and James to remember what married life was like before their baby, Woods, came along. These days, everything revolves around him. The days of doing whatever they wanted on the weekends or going out spontaneously for dinner are now rare. They didn’t want their bundle of joy to become a bundle of trouble for their relationship, so they decided to try pre-baby couples counseling.
“Being able to sit and have some time to discuss us and where we were going, and some of the things I’d been reading about, made it less scary, I guess,” Mary said.
A recent study showed that two-thirds of couples felt less satisfied with their relationship within the first three years of having a child. In response, a growing number of programs are now introducing relationship classes in addition to childbirth education.
As couples transition to parenthood, they typically have fewer resources, like time, money, and freedom, to nurture their relationship. Many couples fall into a cycle of work, kids, and household responsibilities that can leave them feeling disconnected.
Psychotherapist Joyce Marter is the co-founder of Urban Balance, a counseling center that offers pre- and post-baby counseling sessions. “We really work with couples on enhancing their communication skills and their ability to successfully navigate through conflict. We also really encourage them to consciously make their relationship a priority and carve out time and space to nurture it,” Marter explained.
Other centers offer group workshops instead of one-on-one counseling as a less expensive alternative. “You can learn as a couple, even before the baby comes, how to actually manage conflict with your partner. It’s going to be so much easier to get through those issues once the baby does come,” Marter added.
Cedric and Angelique, who attended the Bringing Baby Home workshop, found it to be a lifesaver. “It was a great reminder to make sure that we make time for each other each day and on a regular basis, and that we do things that are focused on each other, not just the children,” Cedric said. “We go to the experts for all kinds of things—our cars, our health, our education—so why not do it for parenting?” Angelique added.
But does it really work? One study found that couples who participated in weekly group counseling had a much smaller decline in marital satisfaction than parents who didn’t attend counseling.
“Although it’s really important to focus on your baby, it’s also important to focus on your relationship,” said pediatrician and author of Expecting 411, Ari Brown. Whether you consider counseling, a workshop, or even just reading a book together, nurturing your relationship is vital to bringing up your baby. “Don’t just focus on childbirth classes—focus on your relationship and how it’s going to grow once that baby arrives. It’s the most challenging thing you will ever do, to be a new parent, but it’s also the most rewarding,” Brown emphasized.
As for Mary and James, they believe that putting their relationship first has made them better parents in the long run. “It just helped us to be more balanced—it really did,” Mary concluded.
Megan Pringle, ABC 2 News.
