Summer has come to an end, and for many people, that means winter is right around the corner with cloudy and cold days. It’s enough to put anyone in a bad mood, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Joyce Marter from Urban Balance Counseling joins us now with some tips on how to get out of that funk.
It can be really hard when you wake up feeling bad, like if one bad thing goes wrong, you feel like your day is done, but that’s not how it has to be, right?
Absolutely. Bad moods are the worst, and they happen to the best of us, but there are things we can do to deal with them.
Are these things you practice yourself? Because every time it happens to us, kids might not say the same thing.
Okay, the first tip you have is “don’t fight it.” What do you mean by that?
It’s like being in quicksand. You don’t want to flail because it makes it worse. So just kind of say, “You know what? It is what it is. Today is one of those days. I’m going to have some self-awareness that I’m just not in a good space today.” Warn others, “Don’t talk to me, I’m in a really bad mood today.” That’s helpful for your loved ones, your close ones. You can also just say, “I’m a little off today.” That’s nicer. “I’m sorry if I’m not coming off great.”
I like that better. And then you say to give yourself a mental timeout.
Yes, this is the time to take a deep breath, take a pause, maybe go for a walk around the block, shut your office door, give yourself some space to kind of reboot.
Okay, and cut yourself some slack. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Absolutely. Nobody’s perfect. This happens to us all; it’s part of being a human being. It’s okay, it’ll pass.
And then the next thing you say is to turn down the volume of your inner critic.
Right. When we’re critical of ourselves in our own thinking, it just adds fuel to the fire and makes us feel worse. So be compassionate. Be your best friend, and positively coach yourself through the day.
Okay, and you say to look for the lesson. This is interesting.
Sometimes we’re crabby for a reason. Maybe we need to re-examine our relationships. Maybe there’s a toxic relationship in your life, or maybe you don’t have work-life balance. I know I usually get crabby when I’m overextended and not taking enough time for my own self-care. So, what can you learn from it, and what kind of changes can you make?
And when you say self-care, what do you mean exactly?
Well, sleep is really important, and not getting enough sleep can definitely put us in a bad mood. It decreases our coping skills. Exercise is the best way to increase and improve our mood because it increases those endorphins. But any kind of self-care—put yourself in comfy pajamas, make a green tea, watch your favorite shows, take a bubble bath, read a book—anything that’s going to fill you up and make you feel better.
And ask for support, finally.
Yes, ask for a hug. Ask somebody to listen to you vent for a little bit. Ask your partner to put the kids to bed. Ask for what you need.
Now, is there anything you can do to actually turn that around? Because we’ve heard that sometimes smiling releases these endorphins that make you feel good. I mean, it seems so simplistic, but are there things like that you can do to help you turn that around?
Yes, you’re exactly right. Smiling changes the chemistry in your body. Practicing gratitude and looking for the good parts in any situation can help. I love apps like Calm and Headspace that are great for this. Listen to some good music, take some deep breaths—it can help shape-shift your mood a bit.
And if you’re concerned that your bad mood isn’t passing, consider using an app daily where you track your mood and figure out if it’s maybe related to your hormones, your menstrual cycle, or whether you’re working out or not working out, or maybe you need your thyroid checked.
That was my next question: when do you realize that maybe this bad mood that keeps happening isn’t just a bad mood, that maybe it’s more than that?
If it’s chronic, impacting your functioning at home or at work, impairing your relationships, if you’re not sleeping right, experiencing significant changes in weight or appetite, or not feeling good about your self-esteem, it might be time to talk to your doctor or a counselor.
And you also seem like somebody who’s big on realizing how fortunate you are, like having a gratitude journal or just acknowledging it during the day, right?
Absolutely. Training your brain to look at the good parts—we can all focus on the negatives, but we can train ourselves to think about the smallest things we can be thankful for. Sometimes we forget to think about that, don’t we? It can really improve our mood.
Okay, so where do people go to learn more about Urban Balance?
We have urbanbalance.com, and we have an article about how to get out of a bad mood on our blog today.
Thanks so much for coming in. Like I said, I’ve never seen you in a bad mood.
It does happen, but thank you.
Thanks for coming in. Coming up, if you missed the Emmys last night, you didn’t miss too much, but Jake Hamilton is here to break down the best parts of the show when we come back.
