It’s nearly that time of year when many teens and young adults pack their bags and prepare to head off to college. This transition can be stressful for both parents and students. To help us figure out the best ways to cope with this stress, Joyce Marter, a licensed psychotherapist and CEO of Urban Balance, joins us. Joyce has over 100 therapists practicing across eight locations in Chicago.
Joyce and I have become friends through a professional route, and I thought of her because I’m about to go through this big transition for the second time. Many parents, like Mark Thrill, are preparing for their children to leave for college, and it’s understandable that it can be nerve-wracking.
Joyce explains that whether it’s your first child going off to school or your last, it’s normal to feel anxious. The best thing to do is to gather information and resources so you have a plan. Uncertainty creates anxiety, so the more information you have—about move-in, handling finances, and how things will go—the more prepared and confident you and your child will feel.
I love the idea of being as informed as possible, not just for yourself but also for your child. Sometimes, kids become a bit difficult during the summer before leaving for college as they prepare to separate. It’s common for them to act out, which Joyce confirms is completely normal. It’s Nature’s way of making the separation process a little easier.
If your child is becoming more difficult, it’s important to zoom out, detach, and not let your feathers get too ruffled. Everyone is nervous, and that’s part of the tension. As parents, we should acknowledge their feelings with empathy. It’s normal to feel nervous or anxious, and sometimes kids express this through anger or agitation. Rather than arguing and dismissing their worries, we should validate their feelings and let them know it’s a big change and understandable to feel this way.
For parents like me, who are going through this for the second time, it’s hard to believe that our child is ready for the real world. I still think of my daughter as 12, even though she’s 18. Joyce emphasizes that it’s natural to feel separation anxiety. As parents, we give our kids roots, but we also need to give them wings. We need to trust that they’re capable of succeeding in college without us hovering. Helicopter parenting isn’t necessary—they’ll be just fine.
Another common issue during this transition is homesickness. Joyce advises parents to prepare their children by helping them establish support systems, such as connecting with friends and community at school. Regular check-ins through FaceTime or phone calls can also help. It’s essential to remind them that homesickness is normal and doesn’t mean they made the wrong decision. It’s a temporary feeling that will pass.
For parents whose children want to come home due to homesickness, Joyce encourages giving it time and getting them connected to the Student Counseling Center early. Don’t wait until it’s a crisis. Consider setting up counseling sessions before they leave for school, so they have support when they arrive. In most cases, it’s important for them to push through and stay at school to get over that initial hump.
There’s also the concern about students encountering new experiences, like alcohol, for the first time. Joyce suggests having an open and honest conversation with your child about the potential for risky behavior, emphasizing safety as the priority. Encourage them to stay with their friends, look out for one another, and make safe choices as they learn to be their own “good parent” in college.
Joyce’s calm and reassuring advice is helpful for both parents and students. You can find out more about Urban Balance on their website, urbanbalance.com, or learn more about Joyce at joyce-marter.com. Thank you so much, Joyce, for the great advice. Hopefully, we can all learn from this.
