Hi, welcome to part three of Mental Wealth, where I’ll be teaching you how to promote financial health in yourself, your children, and your students. We all unconsciously recreate the familiar until we become aware and choose something better. This is something I’ve learned as a psychotherapist, and none of us, including our children, is exempt from it.
We learn roles and belief systems in our families and early adulthood, and these carry into our adult lives. We unconsciously are attracted to partners who remind us of people in our families and often take on similar roles. In family systems theory, children may take on different roles—such as the good child, the scapegoat, the mediator, or the rescuer. Understanding these roles can help us understand why we behave the way we do or why we chose certain careers.
As a therapist, I help people become conscious of past beliefs that shape their future reality. By doing so, we empower ourselves to examine what is and isn’t working, personally, professionally, and financially. Many of our drivers are unconscious—thoughts, beliefs, and limitations we carry about ourselves. We often have unconscious contracts with family members, like making ourselves small so as not to be threatening. Defense mechanisms also kick in, causing us to be financially unconscious.
Financial denial is common. Many people don’t know their credit card balances, net worth, liabilities, or even the interest rates on their loans. What you don’t know can hurt you. I encourage you to become aware when you intellectualize or rationalize financial problems and move from financial denial to financial consciousness.
We need to move from denial to awareness, from blame to responsibility. Many of us blame our parents, past relationships, employers, or the economy for our financial situations. While we can’t control those things, we can take responsibility for our financial futures. Instead of being passive and saying, “There’s nothing I can do,” we need to take an active approach. How can you increase your earnings, whether through education, promotions, side hustles, or financial management?
We need to move from being uninformed to informed. I’m happy to see that today’s high school students are learning personal finance, something that wasn’t as common for previous generations. Financial literacy is crucial for everyone. In my practice, I often see couples where one partner is financially literate, and the other is not, creating imbalance in power and control within the relationship. We must move from disempowerment to empowerment, believing that we have the ability to create transformative change in our financial lives.
Consider your relationship with finances. If your finances were a person, how would you treat them? Are you neglectful or abusive toward them, or do you care for them with respect? Examine your communication about finances with your partner, your children, and others. Financial communication and boundaries are essential in relationships.
We all need a financial system and regular meetings to communicate with loved ones. Involving your kids in these discussions is also important. We need to give them financial roots by providing stability and security, while also giving them financial wings—teaching them to manage their finances from a young age.
It’s important to set financial boundaries with others, especially if finances are tight. Be mindful of codependency in relationships—are you over-functioning while someone else under-functions? This isn’t beneficial to either party’s financial health. We also need to be aware of financial infidelity—keeping secret debts or assets from your partner, or even not disclosing financial actions taken by children.
One client of mine had a breakthrough realization about her financial beliefs. She shared how her mother’s frugality led her to buy shoes she didn’t like, thinking she wasn’t worth having nice things. This is a light-hearted example, but it shows how family beliefs can shape our financial behaviors in ways that don’t serve us.
Each of us has a different money script. Some people believe that money brings happiness (money worship), others think it provides self-worth (money status). However, true self-worth is internal and not dependent on money. There are those who avoid dealing with money altogether (money avoidance), which I’ve been guilty of in the past, and the healthiest mindset is money vigilance, where you are on top of your finances and manage them responsibly.
Wayne Dyer once said, “Everything you do is based on the choices that you make.” This means we have to take responsibility for our financial choices. While life may deal us difficult hands, we are still responsible for how we manage our financial lives.
I encourage you to print out the financial health wheel exercise and assess your current financial situation. Are you spending within your means, saving, investing, and understanding your net worth? Identify areas for improvement, and remember that financial health directly impacts your mental health.
There are many resources available to promote financial literacy. I recommend programs by Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman, as well as free services offered by community centers and Consumer Credit Counseling Services (CCCS), which can help with budgeting, debt consolidation, and more.
Lastly, encourage financial literacy in your children by involving them in money discussions and setting healthy financial boundaries. Teach them about budgeting, saving, and spending. It’s important to shift from a scarcity mindset—focused on fear and lack—to an abundance mindset, believing there’s enough for everyone.
Money flows like breath or love—it’s an ongoing process of giving and receiving. We need to balance spending and saving, investing in ourselves and our futures. It’s important to acknowledge our worth, stop self-limiting language, and focus on positive thinking.
Remember, you are good enough. You deserve financial stability, and you deserve support. Create a “board of advisors”—a financial planner, accountant, or accountability partner—who can help guide you.
If you’re interested in learning more, my book is available on Amazon and Audible. It’s been featured in Forbes, CNN, and many other outlets. I also have copies of the slides, wheel exercises, and additional resources available on the landing page.
Thank you so much for joining me today. Feel free to contact me if I can ever be of service to you.
