As the time of year approaches when many teens and young adults prepare to head off to college, the transition can be stressful for both parents and students. To help navigate this period, Joyce Marter, a licensed psychotherapist and CEO of Urban Balance, joins us. Urban Balance is a practice with over 100 therapists across eight locations in Chicago.
Joyce and I have become friends through a professional connection, and I thought of her as I’m about to go through this significant transition for the second time. Many parents, like Mark’s Thrill, are also getting ready as their children prepare to leave home. So, what should we think about when this time comes, especially since it can be nerve-wracking?
Joyce explains that it’s normal to feel anxious, whether it’s your first child going off to school or your last one, leading to thoughts of empty nesting. One of the key things to focus on is gathering information and resources to have a plan. Uncertainty breeds anxiety, so the more information and planning you have—such as how to handle the move-in process and finances—the more prepared and confident you and your child will feel.
It’s also common for children to become more difficult as the time to leave approaches. This behavior is normal, and Joyce suggests that it might be Nature’s way of easing the separation. Parents should understand this and not let their emotions get too ruffled. It’s essential to zoom out, detach a bit, and recognize that everyone is a little nervous and tense during this time.
To help ease their nerves, it’s important for parents to honor their children’s feelings by providing empathy. Instead of arguing or dismissing their concerns with phrases like “It’ll be fine,” acknowledge that it is a big deal and that their feelings are understandable. It’s also crucial for parents to work on letting go, conveying confidence that their children are capable of succeeding in college without constant parental involvement.
When discussing homesickness, Joyce emphasizes the importance of support. Encourage your child to connect with friends and their new community, and ensure regular check-ins through FaceTime or other means. It’s also essential to communicate that homesickness is normal and temporary, not an indication that they’ve made the wrong decision.
For those children who become extremely homesick and want to come back home, Joyce advises giving it time and encouraging them to stay connected with the Student Counseling Center. Parents should consider connecting their child with a therapist or counselor even before they leave for school to provide ongoing support.
Lastly, there’s the concern about the newfound freedom many students experience, including exposure to alcohol and other temptations. Joyce recommends having an upfront, honest, and direct conversation about safety, emphasizing the importance of making safe choices and looking out for one another.
For more information about Urban Balance, you can visit their website at urbanbalance.com, and Joyce also has a personal website at joyce-marter.com, where you can learn more about her work.
Thanks so much for coming in, Joyce, and for the great advice. Hopefully, we can all learn from this and navigate this transition smoothly.
